Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
