Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
