I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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