It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
