Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm like, not good at living.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
