why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
