What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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