for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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