I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
