ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
