last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
