Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
