PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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