The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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