My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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