This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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