oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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