I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
