btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
