I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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