I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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