so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
