I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
