i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
