New invention idea: vibrating tampons
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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