GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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