Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
