Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She announced her abortion via fbk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
