we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
