yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
