Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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