This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My Sexting was not on an AP level
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
