if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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