Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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