What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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