That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
