I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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