i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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