At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
