Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All the doctor said was why
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
