he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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