Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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