they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
