My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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