True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
