Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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