K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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