sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
