She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
