Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
