Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
