she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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