Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
