my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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