Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
