i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
