____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
