I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
