i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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