I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
