this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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