I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
