Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
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we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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