shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
