when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
