Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
