If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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