You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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