did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
