peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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