My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
