he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
