I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
